Beyond The Smalltalk: Showing Up For Friends

Showing up for others as a way to build community

One of the most important group of friends I have in my life is this group consisting of myself and three other Iranian friends around my age – all of whom happen to be women. I could now dedicate a whole post about why I am this close to three women and what it says about my femininity or masculinity, but that’s for another time.

We usually get together once a month at a minimum for a dedicated dinner or hang, but given that we are all in New York, we get to see each other in between as well. The other day, one of my friends needed help on a work project which basically consists of her fashion brand doing a really promising collaboration with a highly recognizable NY brand (being opaque here because it’s not public yet).

When we found out that she signed the deal, we not only gathered to celebrate this incredible milestone, but we also suggested to get together and workshop how to make the most out of this opportunity. We ain’t no experts on fashion brands, but we sure do really care about our friend and want her to be very successful. The calendars were thrown open, a date was picked, a location was suggested, and the timing was negotiated. A few days later, on a Sunday, we met at a co-working space and brainstormed collectively.

I didn’t think much about it when I posted a video of our white-boarding session, but a number of my Iranian followers commented on how impressed and inspired they were to see us come together like that. One of them in particular called out how much this goes against our culture in which we are more often competitive rather than supportive towards each other.

Unfortunately, I had to agree with him. When I thought back of the freedom movement in Iran back in 2022, I remembered a brief moment when the entire diaspora came together, but that lasted only for a hot second before divisions surfaced (mostly along social and political lines). It was sad to see, but unfortunately a reality.

That’s why this simple session for my friend was both a moment that was meaningful to me, and one that was important to share more publicly – setting an example that we can do differently, that we can be better. In some ways, it was both a private and public act of cultural healing.

Showing up for others, individually or collectively, is not just an important step towards building community, but also strengthening community. For those of you out there who have wondered how to build community around them, the guiding question shouldn’t be “what can you do for me,” but rather, “what can I do for you?” Ideally paired with “and who else can we bring into the mix?”

I think many of us – especially those from immigrant or diasporic backgrounds –spend so much time trying to “make it” on our own that we forget the quiet power of moving forward together. But collective momentum often starts in small rooms, with open calendars, dry-erase markers, and the decision to show up.